come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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