i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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