did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
