i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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