Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
