I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream