you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".