I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work