I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
