I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
