Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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