Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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