So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
