question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
