Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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