Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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