Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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