I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
