She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
