you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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