There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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