Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
