she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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