I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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