bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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