I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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