afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
