After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
