I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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