Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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