My Higher Power is John Stamos
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
