we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
