Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
