Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hippo gnu deer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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