Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
