very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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