Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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