i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm at about main and main street
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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