totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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