Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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