Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
