My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Boobs speak an international language.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
