if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
