...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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