I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
