I wish I only lived at night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
