..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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