I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
