if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
