They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
