He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I skipped work to stalk him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
