remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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