It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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