You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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