There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
