My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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