Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Panties = found
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
