Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize