this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
