I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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