My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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