if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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