guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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