even my farts smell like vagina
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
