i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
