hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize