They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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