No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
