currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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