Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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