You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
