no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
