there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
