my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
