Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
