I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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