We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
