wrigley field is MILF paradise
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
